Irish Beef Stew

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YES YES OKAY OKAY I KNOW I AM SEVERAL MONTHS LATE. I’m always late to everything. I was late to my own Sweet 16. I was late to my High School prom. I was actually early to my college graduation! Buuuuut that’s only because I was too busy texting not P-13 messages to some guy who turned out to be a jerk (surprise!) oh and I was drunk.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I walked down the stage of my graduation on two shots of fireball drank from the flask of a boy on the track team, who a few months later took me out a couple of times. πŸ‘ Then I joined Tinder. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

BUT THIS ISN’T ABOUT TINDER OR BOYS OR MY CUTE BOYFRIEND (I’ll let you know I was born a whole week early! My whole life conspired against me since.) THIS IS ABOUT IRISH STEW MADE FOR, YES ST. PATRICK’S DAY.

We never really did anything for St. Patrick’s day previously considering we are a family of comprised of Portuguese immigrants and first generation Americans. How would we even celebrate it without being ridiculous and insensitive? By doing EXACTLY JUST THAT.

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Okay, so it’s not like we drank green beer or whatever, but one year I made a stout beer chocolate cupcake with chocolate ganache (I WILL fucking bake this again and post it.) to give to boys under the guise of giving them to my friends (Okay okay, so I mostly gave them to friends. I ain’t that bad!). Every year I had made a soda bread that always kind of sucked and didn’t taste as delicious as the ones we buy at the supermarket…. so 2015 was the year I said NO to soda bread, and decided to cook a mothafuckin’ dinner.

And none of this corned beef stuff. Corned beef, cabbage and potatoes is fucking delicious, and very similar to another portuguese dish, cozido, which is why I love it. But we always, once again, goddamn failed at this kind of cooking.
Like how on this planet is there regions of cooking that don’t REQUIRE GARLIC??? I eat like 8 cloves of garlic a day in food. I dream about making one of those 100-clove garlic chickens or whatever. My blood is 98% garlic, and 2% tomato sauce. Like whaaaaat?

But onto the baking adventure. I googled some shit about making stews, since I was a stewbie-newbie and BA in all of its amazing glory helped a bitch out.

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The recipe I ended up following was from this kind of weird looking page. All of the recipes look amazing but I didn’t have time for dat shit. Nor the little herby dumplings (my mother is afraid of cheese.)

This stew also has no potatoes, because my sister is diabetic & can’t eat the tater tot. Plus me and the man are on this “let’s get super hot for summer and make out on the beach” kind of adventure SO POTATOES NO.

But I ate rice instead. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Smart, right?? [sarcasm]


Irish Beef Stew
Serves: site says 12, serves more like 6 hungry people

Ingredients:
*4 tbsp (or more) veg/corn/sunflower oil {neutral oil here peeps}
*2 cups (500g) (17oz) shallots, chopped
*1 large yellow onion, sliced
*4 carrots, cut them fuckas
*1/4 cup (65g) (2.30oz) ap flour
*3 lbs (1.5kg) of BEEF CHUCK {DO NOT USE ANY OTHER MEAT CUT}
*1/3 cup (75g) (3oz) butter
*1 ~ 1 1/2 bottle of stout beer {the rest is for you kween}
*1 1/4 cup (300 ml) beef stock
*Lots of thyme sprigs
*4 bay leaves
*4 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
*1 cup (250g) button mushrooms
*1 cup (250g) some other kind of small tasty fat mushroom {or more button mushrooms} {I just used more button}
*salt n peppa yo

1. Grab your biggest cast iron pot, because this shit is gonna be a long ass ride. Pour some oil at the bottom of the pot and heat it up. (Recipe says 2 tablespoons, but I cook everything drowning it in oil. I blame my Portuguese upbringing, but it’s probably more due to the fact I’m a two-bit cook.)
Add your shallots and crisp those suckers and remove them. Add your onion and carrots and crisp them up too and have them hang out with the shallots.

2. Season your flour with salt ‘n’ peppa and toss your beef well with it. note: do not throw out the excess flour Throw more oil into the cast iron and brown them up! Sear them in batches!!! You want to render them delicious and give them a bit of a tooth and some texture.

3. Once the batches are done being seared, lay them with the veg, and now you have a choice here. You can add butter to the pot and move forward, or add more oil like me (because my mother is deathly afraid of dairy like it killed her cat or something). Throw in the rest of your flour and your stout beer and STIR LIKE MAD. You gotta make that roux roar, kweeeeeeen. Make sure you scrape dat pot, because you want those delicious crispy little bits all mixed up nice to give it max flavor flavvv.

4. Stir in the beef stock, then the beef and veg. Pop in your thyme sprigs, bay leaves, and worcestershire sauce. Let it boil up for like 1 ~ 1 1/2 hours.

5. While your shit be gettin’ nice and stirred, start chip choppin’ on your mushrooms. I just halved them. Fry them up in another pan with either your choice of butter or more oil. Get them SEARED AS FUK like everything else.
Like if there is a moral of this adventure it’s SEAR SEAR SEAR DAMMIT. It’s what really imparts flavor into this dish. If you skip these steps you’re literally just going to have like a bland-ass beef stew. Nobody likes bland-asses.

6. Throw your mushrooms in and let it simmer for another hour. THEN U PARTAAAAAY IN BEEF


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My boyfriend kept hovering around like a hawk popping these crispy little babies into his mouth. The lady domestic Portuguese woman part of my brain couldn’t bear to swat him away. [DROID MALFUNCTIONING]
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these are all the same kinds of mushrooms right?? right?? I made this so long ago I FORGOT. So yo, any mycologists out there, help a bitch out. ✌️✌️
 photo 7 copy_zpsefgsydcc.jpgThere’s like no way to photograph these stew soupy things well. For real. I don’t know how you fancier food blogs do it, because anything I try I made Oliver Twist cry over how ugly my gruel is

YOU GUYS READY FOR THE WORST PICTURE I’M EVER GOING TO DISPLAY ON THIS BLOG?
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……….oh fuck it

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HERE IT IS FRIENDS

This is easily the ugliest photo I’ll ever put up here. I was so damn tired and hungry from cooking for 3 hours I didn’t check my pictures!
Oh…. and I totally was not drunk on stout beer. How could you even accuse me of such tomfoolery!

was totally smashed the whole time cooking
regrets nothing ever

I’d give you the recipe for the cabbage, but I’m gonna be real here, and tell you honestly it sucked. πŸ‘ Don’t worry friends, I don’t sugarcoat things for you. I love you all to much. 😘
The beef stew on the other hand ROCKED. Seriously, greatest stew I’ve ever made. only stew i’ve ever made

The potatoes were just roasted with garlic and olive oil, because you really expected me to get through a whole meal without eating 16 cloves of garlic? I think my blood would turn basic and kill me.

Posting again soon! πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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4 thoughts on “Irish Beef Stew

  1. I fucking love it. Sure, it may be a little late, but this looks like some damn tasty tasty goodness.
    I believe the dish is chicken with 40 cloves of garlic and I too need to eat it!
    Hot shit my friend. Hot shit πŸ™‚

    • Yessssssss!!! God you’re my muse on here. You always have the greatest commentary ever. Omggggg. 😘😍😘

      All in know is, when I’m done being grossed out over touching chicken skin like the baby that I am, I’m rubbing that bird up in butter and shoving so many garlic cloves all over its body it doesn’t even know what’s for. πŸ˜‰

  2. I’m a little late to reading this post… so lets call it even? This stew looks rather tasty, I could go some right about now… please? πŸ˜€

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