Don’t be triflin’ me — Chocolate Raspberry Trifle

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I was originally going to open this up with some cute and beautiful paragraph about how gorgeous and lovely and wonderful the summer has been to me. You know, those kinds of openings that make you think of sandy beaches, bonfires, warm friends and cool beers?

Well sorry, hi hello and welcome newcomers to the anti-baking-blog baking blog. Summer in New Jersey has been nothing but freezing cold rain, sweaty humid days interspaced with me still having to wear a goddamn light jacket outside and IT’S JUNE JESUS CHRIST NATURE GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
I’m a 23 year old woman!! My life is basically unorganized, chaotic and inherently stupid but baby weezus, you’re making ME LOOK GOOD AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING.

Okay ha ha ha. Time to get off my high horse. I had a good minute and a half up there. Back to how my life became a fiery ball from space and crashed into me (not in the romantic Dave Matthews Band kind of way either).

So I made this dessert back during Easter. The two days before I was out with my boyfriend and his best friend who came to New Jersey all the way from Houston, Texas just to visit him. We got stupidly drunk for two days, I finally met my boyfriend’s parents (THE NERVES. THE ANXIETY.) and all on the same day, we met a British Harvard Graduate (his best friend from Texas went to Harvard), his fashionista girlfriend who runs a successful fashion blog who had just come back from Dubai modeling her clothing line, and a South African man who was leaving to San Fransisco and was too giddy and awake talking about Johannesburg to me because I’m a goddamn sucker for accents.
And then there’s me, hi! I’ve never moved from New Jersey! I’ve been to two European countries, one being Portugal and the other Spain, so like LOL IT’S THE SAME THING. I have a food blog, and uhmm, I’m Portuguese! heheh! I’m sooooo interesting! [/sarcasm]

My poor boyfriend ended up getting sick as we were leaving and he threw up on the sidewalk.
I mean really, it’s not a weekend in NYC unless you or somebody has thrown up in a ditch.

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Err. SO TRIFLES AM I RIGHT? Typically I end up picking my desserts out after extensive research looking it up on pinterest and smoosh recipes together to Frankenstein something edible out of the machinations of my mind.
Not this time. My mother picked it. And… here’s the kicker. My mother is deathly AFRAID of dairy. No, she’s not lactose intolerant, that’s me. No, no. You see, my mother was weaned late in life, (age of three) and my grandmother tried to feed my mother freshly milked cow juice (being as they lived on a farm) and my mother threw up. From there, at the age of 3 she has proclaimed a war on diary rivaling on that of Batman origin stories.

But she eats ice cream… because you know, it’s not milk. ๐Ÿ˜

So the recipe isn’t online. My mother ripped it out of a magazine (BLASPHEMOUS) and I think from… uhh The Family Circle?? Is that magazine?? Sorry about that guys… but at least now you can’t compare my shit show to something beautifully photographed! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

Here it is! The recipe exactly as directed. I didn’t change anything……. too much. ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰

DISCLAIMER: I hate being that blog that uses box mix. It’s actually mildly embarrassing, since I always told myself that I’m not allowing myself to use anything prepared…. BUT HERE I AM. CAKE BOX MIX.
You don’t have to use a cake box mix. If you have grandpa’s uncle’s famous chocolate cake recipe you use, use it. Just skip the steps in the beginning. You do you, fam. I luv u.

Chocolate Raspberry Trifle

*1 box chocolate cake mix
*2 large eggs
*1/2 vegetable oil
*4 large egg yolks
*1/2 cup plus more tbsps sugar
*1/4 cup {1/2 stick} unsalted butter
*4 oz bittersweet chocolate
*2 1/2 cups heavy cream
*1 tsp vanilla extract
*2 packages {or a bunch} fresh raspberries
*chocolate curls if u a fancy fuck

1. Heat oven to 350F and get out whatever baking pans you have. I ended up using like a metal buffet tin because we ball hard with food at our house. Butter the pan, or not. These box cakes mysteriously have never gotten stuck on me. Prepare your cake according to package EXCEPT be sure you pour in 1 1/4 cups of water.
Bake the unholy shameful creation you have just assembled in front of you, and quickly bake it in your oven for about 30 or so minutes. Bake it fast so nobody knows you sold out and USED CAKE MIX OH MY GOD I BRING SHAME UPON MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF.
Let your cake filled with deceits and lies cool off for a couple of minutes, before you shamefully birth it onto a wire rack to cool.
Step away from it. Cover it with a dish towel if you have to. Do not let it ruin your street cred.

2. Pull out your dessert pot, because every other pot in my house smells and tastes like garlic. #ethnicgirlprobs
Combine your egg yolks, 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 cup water, and butttaaaa. The recipe says to do a double broiler. I suppose you can get around it if you use really low heat. I just stacked it on top of another pot that had boiling water. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž Craftstaaa.
The OG recipe also asks to whisk until it registers to 160F. My thermometer is broken, so UHHHH I JUST WHISKED IT UNTIL IT WAS PALE AND THICK.
Once it’s uhh… thick?? Remove the pot and throw in your chocolate until it gets all melty and is whisked in smoothly.

3. Get your stand mixer ready, because beating cream by hand is for the birds. Beat 1 cup of the cream, with 2 tbsp (or whatever to your taste) of the sugar and the vanilla until medium peaks form. Take that and fold it into the chocolate mixture until no white remains.
Recipe says put plastic wrap on the cover and refrigerate for like 1 hour. I just threw it uncovered into the fridge BECAUSE I AM A REBEL YEAAAAAAAAHHHH ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž
(But like, I know the point is to prevent it from forming a skin or something, but nothing happened to my cream. Nothing. I don’t even do it with lemon curd. I’ve never had a problem???)

4. Now is the time to walk back to the cake of compunction and free it from it’s shackles by cutting into squares that would fit your trifle bowl of choice. OG recipe gives a size, but really?? It’s up for you to decide what will fit. Make them big but they should fit snugly in your bowl.
Before you stuff your trifle stand, get out another (or same) bowl to whip up more cream! Take the remaining 1 1/2 cups of cream and beat it with 3 tbsps (or whatever) of sugar until medium peaks form.

5. BEGIN THE ASSEMBLY. Start layering your cake cubes snug as cutie bugs in rugs at the bottom. Smoosh them a little. Plop some of the chocolate mousse over it. Grab your washed strawberries and sprinkle them on top of the layer. Now get some whipped cream and schmear that all over the raspberry layer. Pre-squish your cake cubes down and layer them on top of the white, followed by the chocolate mousse, raspberries and more whipped cream.
I was able to get 2 really full layers of cake into my trifle stand. The recipe says to decorate with chocolate curls, but I had leftover cake that I just pulverized and made into crumbs and decorated the top. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

But u do u. that’s always the moral of baking. ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฏ

Refrigerate until you can’t handle it any longer how you have mousse and cake combined in a holy union of whipped cream.

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Swammin’ in that butter-egg pool.

But like for reals, this photo made me laugh. Like LOOK AT IT, IT’S LITTLE LADIES STAMPED IN CHOCOLATE SWIMMING.

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Smooshed cake for all


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It ain’t no full post unless you have da money shot…. so here’s da money shot, fam.

This dessert is great for the summertime, because you eat it cold. Hot day? Eat Trifle. Bad day? Eat Trifle. Catastrophe has befallen your home and village? Eat Trifle.
Trifle cures all. Trifle is the glue of life.

Or something.

So glad I’m back to baked goods. Cooking isn’t really my thing. ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹


13 thoughts on “Don’t be triflin’ me — Chocolate Raspberry Trifle

  1. Bahahahaha. Sometimes you just have to let box mix happen. Considering my Mortal Kupcakes took hours upon hours and I was frosting them right up until leaving for the game release… I cannot imagine having do deal with doing homemade on top of that. Add another two hours for sure because measuring is a shit activity. Looks divine. I should make a geeky trifle. Probably it’s cheap, and I’m broke. Will do research a la The Google.

    • If you could kind some way to make a geeky trifle I’d be so shocked I might have to binge eat more box cake mix!

      I do seriously have to applaud you and your creativity because as much as I love video games I’m entirely clueless as how to tie them in UNLESS the game as food that I just happen to make as well. ๐Ÿ˜›

  2. Been looking at whipped cream goodies, found this. I felt the same way about box mixes.. but to be honest they cuts down on costs, and the chemicals they use seem to help keep the product longer anyway! Especially with something like this when it’s only *part* of the dessert, not the main feature. Trifle lookin’ real.

    • god yaaaaaaas! That’s true! When it’s not the main event, it’s seriously less guilt inducing than if you were to just be like hi here’s my cake, I just made the frosting from scratch. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
      And for sure! Those sneaky chemicals seem to make everything last forever.
      Maybe I should harvest their power so I can live on forever, crying over boys and eating cake.

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