I like my nuts toasty — Chocolate & Hazelnut Meringue Cake

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Somehow I opened my fridge one day and I realized, shit man, I have a lot of egg whites chillin in a bowl. Why? How did I aquire said egg whites? Short answer: No fucking clue.
No for real. I was trying to think back at what the hell did I make that required me to have a 4-cups glass bowl filled with egg whites and the answer is ?????

I even went through my blog thinking “Ah-ha! I am too smart for EVEN MYSELF! I shall spy on myself and and totally see what I made that was so yolk heavy!”
Conclusion: ???? I literally went through my blog, and my recent posts are a trifle, a beef stew, some sticky buns, and vegan oatmeal. none of these things required just egg yolks
So I basically have a perishable mystery on my hands, and cared too little to be bothered with figuring out any longer. Now is the time to make something OF COURSE.

How I got to this chocolate & hazelnut cake is a mystery to me (you okay there folks? I’m up to 2 mysteries already. SILLY DRAMA HERE WITH NUTMEG), so… no cute adorable story about how I tra-la-la-ed through pinterest and found this. Like the egg whites, it almost materialized in front of me, quietly unassuming there stood the link open in my browser.

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(Just like PS, my photos for some reason suck seriously for this one. No idea why? Sooooo do me the solid and don’t look at Tartelette‘s beautiful photos. ๐Ÿ˜˜)

The major modification I made was that I used only unsweetened baking chocolate…. errr. Don’t do this.
I told myself since I love deeply dark, bold, and rich chocolate that I ain’t no babybitch who eats milk chocolate. I like my shit tight, son! (Well, err. Dark)

Warning: this cake has some pre-prep to accomplish (yes i did just make it up). you gotta roast some nuts and skin them. You know, my saturday evenings with my chick friends when we hold seances over the manifested ire of our failed past lovers.

Chocolate & Hazelnut Meringue Cake

Ingredients for the cake:
*10 tbsp butter, + more for pan
*3/4 cup brown sugar
*6 whole eggs, separated
*1 1/2 tbsp espresso (i used instant + ~1 tsp water because I’m a crass hoe)
*1 1/2 tbsp vanilla
*1 1/2 rum (recipe says rum, I used whiskey ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜)
*1/4 tsp salt

1. Preheat yo oven to 350F and butter up your springform pan. Recipe says to put parchment paper on the bottom, but i’m like lol to that fancy froo-froo shit. I’m eating this in my house people. The bottom pan isn’t going anywhere but sending cake to my fat beautiful thighs.

2. Get your electric mixer out, and use the paddle attachment and smack that butter with the brown sugar until it’s brown-ish and smooth, ~3 minutes.
Add them egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each edition and scrape them sides.

3. Melt your chocolate, if you are like me and don’t ever read the whole recipe ahead of time, and didn’t do any mise en place, (because I’m gonna go down in a blaze of GLORY)don’t u worry. Let that baby chill and cooool.

4. Pour your melted chocolate, espresso, vanilla and whiskey along with the salt. Beat until combined. Pour all of that glorious batter into a side clean bowl… or if you fancy and have 2 bowls for the stand mixer (or those hand-held ones) and add the whisk attachment (after cleaning your first bowl if you don’t have a second) and toss in all 6 of your egg whites and beat that sucker up until soft peaks form. Quick shit here guys. It don’t gotta be stiff but in that in between state of kinda stiff. how i like my man after I send him my nudes
Slowly fold in your egg whites into the mixture and pour it into your beautifully buttered springform pan and bake it for 25 minutes.

Ingredients for the meringue:
*1 cup hazelnuts
*1 tbsp cornstarch
*4 large egg whites
*3/4 cup sugar

1. Ready for some fun kids?? Your hazelnuts have skin on them? GET READY. Toast your hazelnuts in a 350F oven until you can smell them all roasted, and their skins blister; typically 10 minutes. Remove them from the oven, and let them cool off slightly.

2. You have a couple of ways to do this: You can either toss all of the lukewarm hazelnuts in a dish towel (with some texture to it) and rub all of these babies together to get their skins off OR you can kind of flutter them all between your fingers and lovingly peel them like 3 or so at a time. There was something strangely therapeutic about peeling the skins off???? Maybe I’m a sociopath???

3. Whatever your choice, chop dem up and set them aside.

4. HERE IS WHERE I FUCKED UP. I didn’t read the recipe where it says to “toss the chopped hazelnuts and chopped chocolate together”. I just thought MELT THE CHOCOLATE and toss everything together. Ok. So you can choose to melt the chocolate and toss the hazelnuts and cornstarch together like me, (who has molasses for brains) OOOOORRR you can do as the original recipe says and just toss the chocolate and hazelnuts together.

5. Whip yo egg whites and slowly add in the sugar until they are STIFF as boards. also how i like my boyfriend’s arms ๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ˜ป

6. Fold your chocolate-hazelnut mixture with the egg whites. Slowly and gently spread it all over your baked cake, and pop it back into the oven for about 25 minutes, until the meringue is crisp looking. Once done, run your knife around the edges and let that sucker cool down completely.
This cake is honestly better room temp. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘Œ

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This is a representation of my life: I have all of the ingredients, I’ve prepped them mostly the right way, in the end only to fuck it up it royally, and then it kind tastes ok but is a lil ugly tho.

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Like that cake cake cake cake.

Despite my terrible cutting skills, and my lame photo skills (that have thankfully developed well during the few months after this) the cake was super delicious. Just since I used dark ass unsweetened chocolate, my cake was so dark and so bitter it was NOT the kind of cake to eat with coffee as a “sweetener” treat. You needed to drink like some Starbucks sugar explosion to eat this damn cake. It’s not that it was overwhelming, it’s just I fucked it up AS ALWAYS.

I’m sure with bittersweet chocolate it must be SERIOUSLY awesome.

….Hey wait. Maybe I should actually try making this again! ๐Ÿ˜‚

Ahhh, I have more baking territory to cover. ๐Ÿ‘โœŒ๏ธ


6 thoughts on “I like my nuts toasty — Chocolate & Hazelnut Meringue Cake

    • Oh my gosh!! You’re too kind. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ I’m glad you think so, especially since I messed up the recipe! Hahaha!

      It was a super lovely cake. Just mine came out too bitter as my own fault. Damn delicious with some sweetened french vanilla coffee though. ๐Ÿ’‹

  1. I have a time lapse camera in a teddy bear in the kitchen to spy on myself just in case a situation like this ever arises… Oh wait, that’s in the guest bedroom… Let’s pretend this conversation never happened…

  2. Looks delicious, although you seem to hate the photo per your comments about them. I enjoy your humor. Not so sure I could convert this one to being vegan. I’ll live vicariously through you that it was amaze balls.

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