Sometime in May, or June? (It has to be one of those??) I was at home in the afternoon and I thought “This afternoon needs some goddamn cake.” and so cake was birthed.
I have this really cool old copper bundt pan that made a debut in my Portuguese Olive Oil Cake basically a millennium ago (okay just one year ago). This was one of the few relics of my previous relationship. He bought it for me at some junk sale, so it’s probably imbued with the haunted ghost of somebody and that’s pretty sick and amazing. Please haunt me, ghost baker. Fill me with your powers. Give me the elbow grease of an Edwardian woman’s cook, because we all know them fancy ladies weren’t bakin’ shit.
But I digress. Ok, so I needed cake in my life STAT because hey cake. Also I still had like a million egg whites I needed to get rid of because of my Portuguese Almond Cake.
I stumbled upon this cute recipe for an Old Fashioned Sugar Cake from Chocolate Chocolate and More but as I tasted the batter, I realized that even though it was delicious, clearly I did not want a sugar cake?????
So I ended up adding lemon. Then dried basil. I had to stop myself from adding poppy seeds and making it the fucking kitchen sink cake.
I also opted to not use my cast iron skillet because if there’s something I am, it’s contrary as hell. 👍
Omit the basil if it sounds weird. Or use fresh, which would honestly be better. Omit the lemon if you’re like nah. Omit everything and just eat creamed butter because fuck it.
Sugar (?) Lemon (?) Basil (?) Cake
*1/2 cup butter, unsalted
*1 cup milk (pick your poison)
*1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
*2 cups flour, ap
*1 1/2 cup sugar
*4 tsp baking powder
*1 tsp salt
*4 large egg whites
*powder sugar, because fuck it
1. Preheat oven to 350F. Grease and flour your bundt pan. Get into all of those tight little nooks and crannies. Show that baby you love her and have no trouble delving into her deepest and darkest corners.
2. Cream together butter and milk together for about 3 minutes in your stand mixer with the paddle attachment. It’s gonna look like a trash bag full of last night’s regrets. This is good. Pour in vanilla as a symbolic measure of your liver collapsing.
3. In a separate bowl stir around your flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Add this to the trash bowl of butter in thirds or just keep pouring slowly so that your flour doesn’t come out of your bowl and attack you. I ain’t here to clean stuff up. (FUCK NO, THE EDWARDIAN GHOST IS HAUNTING ME INSTEAD)
4. Add in your egg whites after all of your batter has just been combined. Just mix it around until combined. Pour this batter into your gorgeous beautiful handcrafted copper bundt cake (LOL jokes on me, it’s probably crap and made out of melted pennies). Pop it into your oven to bake for about 40 or so minutes.
5. When it’s golden brown, pop it out of the oven and let it cool off for like 10 minutes. Invert it onto a cooling rack. PLEASE let it cool for like 20 minutes more before you dust it with powder sugar. It’ll get sticky and shit and then you look like the crack-cocaine cookie monster — only the cutest rejected Sesame Street character.
The day I decided to bake this cake, the census guy came over and I learned an important lesson: Apparently you get the census coming to your house regularly??? It’s not like a once every 4 year thing????? What is this madness. So when I have my own house, how often do I need to let a strange man into my house?? Why does nobody teach you this shit? Why wasn’t there a “How to live in general 101” class in college??
Whatever. Either way, JUST so ya know, Carlos here is diabetic. The cake smelled so much like a warm burnt sugary kind of delectable that even a man who’s life has to be marred by having to forcibly forgo as much sugar as possible, succumbed to the deliciousness of this cake.
Now that’s a fuckin accomplishment. ✌️✌️