Thanks Gwen Stephani for teaching me how to spell — Upside Down Banana Blondie Cake

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In my crazy hazy idea of trying to bake in my boyfriend’s paltry (baking-wise. that bubble-butt actually has a nice pad) apartment I grocery shopped for a few necessities and on a strange whim picked up bananas with him.

“Do I really need bananas?”
“Baby! Didn’t you say that you wanted to eat healthier?? This could be your breakfast before work!” I cheerfully quipped.
“But shooting whipped cream straight into my mouth with chocolate sauce has been working so far though!” He said in earnest, a word here meaning “yes my boyfriend actually shoots whipped cream straight into his mouth from the can and he’s 25.”

But damn is he super cute.

(He’s an engineer I promise.)

As the days went by, I noticed the bananas went from underripe to pleasingly mottled to turning into molten black banana goop on his counter.

Those bananas needed to go and fast. I knew he wasn’t eating them for breakfast, because lets be real, pouring milk into your mouth and sloshing it around with chocolate syrup will always be infinitely better than a breakfast banana.

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I originally thought of making these banana blondies from Cookies and Cups but seeing as my boyfriend was missing some crucial ingredients needed to make frosting (no, not brown or powdered sugar surprisingly. It’s the milk. See “breakfast habits”.)

So… I thought UPSIDE DOWN BANANA CAKE and I found this beautiful cake from Sprinkle Some Sugar and was met with the same issue… NO MILK. So I decided to do the best of both worlds and COMBINE THEM into one super banana cake.

I call it the Upside-Down-What-The-Fuck-Blondie-Cake. I shortened it for the title, of course.

The cake came out surprisingly rich. My photos however came out surprisingly crap. I blame the lack of windows and the fact that I baked it up at night and blah blah blah let me blame everything but myself.

Note: Because somehow my boyfriend found the only metal cassrole dish that looks smaller than it actually is, I had to double this recipe here.
Seriously, his fucking baking dish is so deep he needs two boxes of brownie mix to fill it. As you will see in photos ONE BANANA WAS NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO COVER THE BOTTOM. Seriously, where the fuck did he get this dish from? Did he have to make a pact with the devil?


Upside-Down-What-The-Fuck-Blondie-Cake

Serves: yourself for photos, your boyfriend eats half for dinner and gives the rest to his health conscious aunt after lying about the nutritional value

Ingredients & Instructions:

Topping
*1 cup brown sugar
*6 tbsp butter, unsalted & melted
*1 banana (What i didn’t have enough!)

1. Preheat oven to 350F because this is gonna take a while.

2. Melt your butter and stir your brown sugar to it until it makes this greasy weird brown mixture. Pour said gross mixture all over the bottom of your pan. Hack at your one banana and attempt to arrange it into lines. You will run out of banana. Grab one more if you can spare it. Pretend like you always meant to just use one for “aesthetics purposes”.

Blondies
*1/2 cup browned butter
*1 cup brown sugar
*1 egg
*1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
*1/4 tsp salt
*1 cup flour
*Some cinnamon, to taste (I don’t know man, experiment)
*the rest of your bananas fuck it

1. Get out the smallest pot your boyfriend has that you can work with. To start the treacherous task of browning butter, you plop the butter straight into the pan on like medium heat and you just kind of force it to melt while stirring lightly to encourage those little brown bits to form.
WARNING: Browning butter is EVIL and will hit you in the FUCKING FACE constantly. Start crying leading your boyfriend to running over and laughing at you while splashing water in your face.

2. The recipe says to mix the brown sugar and butter together in a stand mixer. Look around the kitchen and see if you have one. You don’t, fuck. You’re in too deep now, sucker. Pour the butter into a large mixing bowl. Grab a wooden spoon and literally mix the warm browned butter with the brown sugar. Pound at it a little to encourage melting and mixing. It’ll work– maybe.

3. Start mashing the fuck out of the rest of your bananas. You deserve it tiger.

4. Add in your egg and vanilla and keep mixing. Stir in your salt, cinnamon, flour and murdered banana into this mixing bowl. Pour the prepared mixture into your dish. Bake that mothafucka for like 20-25 minutes. The sugar in mind creeped up the sides and crusitifed and was a PIECE OF SHIT to clean off. That just means your sugar skills are on fleek.


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Instead of calling this something as base as food porn, I like to call this shitty photography.

 

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Sticky, warm and gooey this cake can actually be described as mushy in a good way?? Can mushy be used as a good thing? Well, fuck it, I’m declaring mushy cake as delicious cake.

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The topping kind of hardens and makes this crisp little crackle particularly towards the edges, almost like a brownie… which means that the middle is just brownie nirvana with its soft molten core and tender bananas and holy fuck

Even though this was made in the high summer months, this is seriously an awesome Welcome Fall Cake. It’s warmth and brown sugar just makes you want to snuggle your hairy boyfriend and his face. or your dog. I mean, they’re both cute, black hair, big brown eyes and make strange sounds and smells. So????? Either one, you know.

๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹

More coming soon, you beautiful strawberry flowers. ๐Ÿ“

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