Gettin’ on my morning drank — Strawberry Mojito Paletas

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Look, I get it, summer is almost over– but lemme tell you, it’s still hot as all hell here.

I mean, I’m still wearing dresses to work here without stockings, people. Yeah I know that once labor day hits the pumpkin spice overlords take over and everybody goes ape-shit over fall shit. Well, TOO FUCKIN’ BAD GUYS IT’S HOT LETS EMBRACE IT.

I originally made this recipe when my boyfriend was in Texas; Houston to be exact. He’s like super smart or something and went to some top school that he’s a legacy of and graduated with honors and shit, and here I am blogging in the running shorts I stole from his laundry pile with a degree in “lol business or something?”.

So while he was working there, he begged me to come visit him and show me around his alma mater and treat me to amazing food and getting black out drunk with his millionaire best friend. Instead I couldn’t go due to some family circumstances sister lost her marbles with me and stole my license plate among other bullshit so I was sadly stuck in New Jersey. Whoo-hoo!

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I mean, shit, it was hot as hell during the time, because if there’s one thing we get right here is a nice thick humid wet summer.

So during said humid summer I decided I’m going to make myself some fucking paletas dammit. I decided on throwing in rum to make it mojito-esque (I ain’t got any other liquor!!) to celebrate the fact that he was in Texas hanging out with his Mexican best friends and eating Tex-Mex until he could have probably thrown up.

Look. I know mojitos aren’t Mexican. They’re Cuban but at the time it sounded good!

Also, I think his favorite drink is mojitos? Or maybe it’s tequila. I think it’s tequila with limes.

Oh fuck I’m just the worst friend/girlfriend ever. If you ever want a present from me you need to tell me what exactly it is you want. With pictures. And links. And it’ll probably still be wrong. SLAM DUNK ADULT STYLE.

I very incredibly loosely (read: changed everything) followed this recipe here from toetjaddicited. I guess look at it for comparison?? But like don’t???


Strawberry Mojito Paletas

Serves: Too much for your noripro pop freezer and you’re stuck with leftovers in the fridge

Ingredients:

  • 250 g (1 cup & change) frozen strawberries
  • fistful of fresh mint leaves
  • ~3 tbsp honey or agave nectar if you even respect bees
  • as much clear rum to grow hair on your chest (for me that’s at least 1/4 cup)
  • some lemon juice because you don’t have limes??
    1. Grab out your blender because the food processor seems strangely scary today. Twas not an auspicious day for processing. Throw your frozen stawberries in there because who can actually eat a whole carton of strawberries before they get mold?? Become slightly jealous of people who have their lives together enough to actually polish off a carton of anything before it turns into the black mold and tar of Satan’s ass.

 

    1. Process that strawberry stuff until it’s goop. Once it seems goopy enough tear up the mint leaves or you can even chiffonade them if you’re feeling like a fancy fuck. I just ripped them because I’m barbaric. Squeeze in your agave nectar or honey (because getting measuring spoons sticky is for chumps). Taste test here. Too sweet? Uhhhh add some water. Not sweet enough? Add more. Simple stuff

 

    1. Blend it a little more until the mint is shredded through out. Now pour in your rum. Like that gold flow. I used a wedding gift somebody gave to us with their wedding picture tackily glued on the front. It was the only rum I had in the house!! It’s clear and worked like a fucking charm. Either blend it again or just lightly stir it. If it doesn’t taste like your Friday Night Happy Hour you’re doing something wrong.

 

    1. Carefully spoon everything into your pop molds. Frantically search your house to realize that you have no Popsicle sticks. You’re in too fucking deep now. Continue to search your house until you find kebab sticks lovingly cut in half for some strange reason and forcibly stick a little round peg into a square hole. This becomes a metaphor for your life. Cry a little– but only after you put them to freeze for about 4-6 hours or overnight.

I like to explain every step of everything I do because I too was once somebody who knew how to do absolutely nothing at all. I still know how to do basically nothing but cry into batter and watch desserts melt immediately after I take pictures of them, BUT HEY I HAVE A BLOG SO THAT MAKES ME AN EXPERT OR SOMETHING RIGHT?

So the way you get these suckers out of their molds is by getting your tallest overpriced plastic cup with Disney characters on them, or if you prefer your trash cups to be of sportsball flavor, that works just as well.

Next, fill it with your hottest tap water to almost the top. Now just kind of awkwardly put the pop mold bottoms into the cup until you can wiggle the pop free out of it’s cage. If you need a photograph to see how exactly to do this, let me directly to like my third post ever where I made the most hideous paletas ever. Scroll all the way to the bottom to check out some disgusting mashup of avocado and chocolate I made. Never again am I combining strange shit just because pinterest tells me so. I wasted a good fucking avocado on that scary monstrosity.

So you MIGHT notice that these photos are quite possibly awkward as hell/ I don’t like to see them as awkward; instead see them as authentic. It makes it much more relatable right? Right??

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It’s even more relatable if you happen to like photographs of strange women’s feet next to tasty desserts. It’s extra wonderful when you can palpably feel the deep and sad attempt to appear quirky and cute. CUE THE FEET PEOPLE. QUIRKY GIRLS ARE BAREFOOTED

Jesus Christ that train got off the track fast.

Till next time my friends! I care about you all very much! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

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