The Pink Ladies (Covered in Chocolate?) – Strawberry Madelienes

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Picture this: You’re recently promoted and literally working under your new boss for like 4 days (mostly remotely because you’re also in the process of moving offices) and she gets engaged.

Oh shit.

When you have the pleasure of working in an office full of women, such as I, you get to basically celebrate EVERYTHING. Going away parties, getting hired parties, cake day, just because cupcakes, birthdays except for mine, and apparently engagement parties. Well, sort of.

At the time, I was gloriously working a luxurious 3 months from home while our new office was being built out. Let me tell you, that remote life was so FAB. Waking up at 7 am is for the fucking birds.

Honestly, I could almost do my job remotely like 2 days out of the week, but you try telling your small office that. I’d get laughed all the way to the unemployment line.

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But whatever. So here I am, coming into the city for our once a week temporary office meetings (late, of course) and everybody in the office is beaming. My new boss has a little gift bag in front of her, and I am like “Hey????” unsure of what the hell is going on.
A good “heeeeeyyy?” has never steered anybody wrong.

Everybody keeps grinning as I sit down, and I keep looking confused at everybody until my boss pops up her hand and squeals “I JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!!”.

Holy fuck I was not ready for this.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not some bitter person who takes the deepest pleasure only when people fail in life. No no, I was super happy she got engaged, albeit, totally surprised since I just assumed she was already married. Either way, applause erupted from the happy nest of women and presents were open, leaving me feeling like a total dunce-moron since apparently everybody knew but me.

Figures!!!

One of my coworkers then tells me later to bake something up for next Monday because we’ll be throwing her a surprise engagement party! And who the fuck an I to pass up baking shit for the office?? I have a captive audience who can’t do anything more than just pretend to not be hungry if they don’t like it! Better than people straight up telling me “did you bake this wrong?? You totally baked this wrong. It’s kind of bad.”

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THAT PARTY WILL NOT BE THAT DAY DAMMIT. Considering that to top it all off, I’ve baked for the office before and it was a rounding success! Everybody smacked their lips as they carefully in their diet ways, ate my cheesecake.

Bitch was ready for a part 2.

The company that I work for makes extensive use of the color pink. It’s just our company’s color. So in my delightfully dorky / slightly tacky sort of way, I’ve decided to bake up pink desserts! I mean, pink is not only super stinking cute but also represents love AND ties in the company. Win win win win for everybody! Everybody in the audience gets a win!

As I’m sure many of you have picked up, I’m slightly hippy-dippy with my use of castile Dr. Bronner’s soap on my ass, and Tom’s on my teeth, you can say I am quite the undercover hippy with my cool pretencious glasses, my obscene lipstick choices, my sensible and reasonably priced TJMaxx work dresses.

You wouldn’t expect me to be such a neohippy but SURPRISE I AM! I am large and I contain multitudes. (Thanks, Walt!)

SO what does this have to do with baking? Well!! I wanted to make naturally pink desserts instead of always relying on food coloring. I mean, I’ve used food coloring before. Many many many times actually BUT that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive for a higher moral ground!

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I mean, I can easily just naturally dye my madeleines if I make them with strawberries, right?? Just puree a bunch and the cute pink color comes shining through!!!

spoiler: it doesn’t. Surprise!!!

I found these adorable strawberry madeleines by Adore Foods that are just the right pink I was going for!! Tastefully cute, obviously pink and totally strawberry looking!

And yet? And yet.

Look. I’m totally not putting any blame on the original recipe. No no. I would never claim it’s somebody else who screwed up. This little mixup here was 100% had to be my fault! I mean I’m the monkey banging rocks together in the human world of baking, here. Plus the author even says she used farm fresh berries and I’m using bland sour supermarket strawberries. Very different!

You know me! I always have to change ingredients around and then instead of just ya know, making something right the first time, I also gotta put my thang down flip it and reverse it by adding a ~*~new~*~ element to the mix.

SIGH. Even I can’t keep up with myself!


Chocolate covered strawberry madeleines

Serves: your stress eating ass when the party is canceled due to the snowpocalypse of 2016.

Ingredients for strawberry puree:

  • 1 16oz box of strawberries
  • 1 – 4 tbsp sugar

Instructions:

  1. Okay guys, here’s the hardest part. Firs you need to wash your strawberries. I know, this is strange and complicated. Next, you need to cut off your greens.

  2. Once that stressful part is over, grab a blender or food processor. I mean I don’t know your life. Place said berries in the blender with sugar, and whirl the crap out of them. These needs to be a puree here, none of that finely minced berry shit.

Ingredients for madeleines:

  • 4 eggs
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • 3 1/2 cups ap flour
  • 1 1/2 stick of melted butta butta {butter, for you less slang-inclined}
  • 1 1/2 tsp baking powder

Instructions:

  1. With your whisk attachment on your stand mixer, beat your eggs and sugar until that shit is frothy. DO NOT BEAT LONGER THAN WHITISH FROTH. YOU WILL GET GLUEY CENTER.

  2. Add your strawberry puree, flour and baking powder and just whisk until combined. Gently stir your butter in with a rubber spatula or something!!!

  3. Get your madeleine pans and just oil that shit up with corn oil and flour it. The amount of butter you’re gonna need to actually butter this thing is gonna make yo ass broke. Flour it too. You know the drill, b.

  4. Look at your batter. Does this seem pink enough? Move forward young padawan. (lol I can’t even make that joke honestly because the only Star Wars I’ve seen is The Force Awakens. Cue angry fans!) If you’re suspiciously unsatisfied withy our batter, now is the time to add the food coloring. I added like 4 or 5 drops at a time and mixed with a rubber spatula. Fight the crying inner hippy. You love that food coloring. You fucking love it.

  5. Get out a good ass soup spoon, and start just straight up spooning that shit into the molds. Don’t overfill them! However, don’t underfill them, because my madeleines barely spread.

  6. You could pop them in the fridge, but if you live in the northeast during winter, you can also just, uh, ya know, leave them the fuck outside for like 20 mins or somma.

  7. While ur little babies are chillin’ out, preheat your oven to like 395F. I probably fucked up extra because I only heated it up to 350F. EL OH EL.

  8. Bake them lil suckas for like ~10 minutes? Just keep your fuckin’ peepers on them. You got this far, friend! Don’t give up!!

  9. Let them cool off for like a minute, and you can kinda just grap the whole tray and shake them out. Seriously. They’re hardy as shit. Fling ’em around!!
    not really please don’t.
    Either way, put them on a cooling rack.

Ingredients for chocolate shell

  • ~1 cup powderd sugar
  • ~1/4 cup or more milk
  • ~1/3 cup or more powdered chocolate

Instructions:

  1. In a small bowl, just start shaking out your sugar. Seriously, I promise you don’t need a recipe for this.

  2. Add your cocoa powder and STIR IT WELL. This is none of the fun of chocolate milk with all of the excitment of trying to smush all of those dry balls of chocolate powder.

  3. Start pouring in your milk. You want it to have a thick consistancy. We’re not going for royal icing here guys, so be light on that milk. However, don’t make it spackle. It has to be pourable. Keep that in mind!

  4. Once your madeleines aren’t super hot, just start dipping them, turning them to catch the extra little drip on the bottom. I placed them to dry on a slipat and the bottoms mostly stayed on!! If you have a better way to dry chocolate, PLEASE TELL ME. HELP MEEEE.

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So there they are in their almost full glory. I like to call this a lesson in not taking photos at night under a yellow light. Learn from me, filha! Learn!!

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Halfway through making the first batch, I realized that my madeleines were not that vibrant sort of pink I was dreaming of, so I added some more food coloring, baked up another batch and was STILL displeased with the color.
And this my friends, is how ombre must’ve been born.

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I hate-ate all of those Pocky Sticks, BTW.

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As I was setting up this table literally the weekened after the Blizzard of Hell 2016, there was still ice on our patio, so as my silly little ass was walking over in my bunny slippers outside, (don’t judge) I fucking slipped and slid all the way to the table while holding my mother’s expensive Royal Albert china set.

Guys, I almost fell, broke my leg leading to me be writhing in pain on the cold marble patio covered in ice, gluey madeleines, and pink china.

Pink bunny slippers and all.

I mean, it would all be worth it just to see my boss smiling at me, right?

Yeah, except due to a train system riddled with more issues than me and still working remotely, I alone was the recipient of these chocolate-dipped madeleines.

Well, until I got fed up eating them and baked them into bread pudding so catastrophically bad, I can’t even post it.

THAT’S LIFE FOLKS!!!!

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7 thoughts on “The Pink Ladies (Covered in Chocolate?) – Strawberry Madelienes

  1. Love the way you write, it’s so easy to read. The madeleines look amazing. Not an easy thing to bake, I find.

    • Isn’t that China set something???? I almost broke the damn thing slipping!! I actually slid INTO the table and knocked the wind out of my, literally. πŸ˜‚ I risked my life to save those plates! πŸ˜‚

  2. I keep thinking to myself that I should bring in some madelienes to work, and this is the perfect reminder to do so. That china is gorgeous and I’m glad to hear that you were able to use your body as a human shield against it breaking–I have to say that I’d probably do the same thing. (Oh, the things we do for food blogging during the winter when there seems to be negative light outside…)

    • My bunny slippies slipped me all the way to the table where I crashed into it with my stomach, causing me to gently put the plates down before I doubled over. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ My bones are stronger than this delicate plates!! Save the plates!! πŸ˜‚

      And winter light is nice! It’s sort of devoid of color and kinda neutral. The only shitty thing is that it’s just SO damn cold. I can take photos for only like 5 minutes before I give up!

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