Ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog – Mini Nutty Dog Birthday Cake

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My dog’s birthday is 4 days after mine, making us both Pisces.

Astrology is nonsense, but it’s the fun kind of nonsense, and dammit, I will believe both me and my dog are moody because of our ~*~feelings~*~. I know old religious texts mention that dogs don’t have souls, but to HELL with that blasphemy, because my dog has a soul astrologically similar to mine okay??? Clearly, we’re soulmates.

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Such a goofball

Oliver and I are essentially one and the same: we tend to nap often; eat snacks; play outside in safe bug-free environments; valiantly face scary new experiences; carry around a little extra chub because we hate working out, and at the end of the day all we want to do is lick the skin of the people we love.

We’re simple creatures.

Mom even still makes our dinner and feeds us, because even though we’re grown ass adults, it cuts into our nap time. I mean, that just seems to be the family expectation. Even my 30 something-year-old sister is still fed frequently by my mother, so it just runs in the family!

Our little pup isn’t really a pup; he’s actually middle-aged and grayed in the face. But you know what? A dog is a fucking puppy no matter how old they get!! Just look at their sweet faces and big eyes. I mean seriously, what did we do to deserve such lovable animals?

I can’t even think to be my typical smarmy self because I am just so in love with my doggo. We have a very chill sort of love. I usually throw in a little extra kibble snack and when my heart is filled to burst, I’ll sneak him some chicken pieces. At night, when he creeps into my room, he takes up two-thirds of my bed while sleeping. He slowly pushed me to the edge with his intense desire to snuggle me while wrapped up as a pupritto.
I have to be clear: I’m not a dog mom. I don’t make out with my dog since dog slobber is gross, I don’t let him under my bed covers because dog hair is difficult to wash out and I don’t smother him because it’s unhealthy for dogs or people.

Our relationship is like a very solid sort of sibling / friends with benefits kind of thing.

DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT TOO HARD.

The last three days or so, before the completion of my new work office, I realized “Holy shit, Oliver is turning eight and we’ve never given him a birthday party!!” To make it worst, he was mysteriously ill with what turned out to be doggy diabetes.😭 MY PUPPERONI!!

At the time, he seemed so ill, and I couldn’t bear the idea of him crossing the rainbow bridge without a proper birthday party complete with balloons and friends. His other friends were older and had already passed, so he was going to have to settle with just one doggo friend. Sorry!!

But it’s okay because Oliver and Jackie, the Jack Russell Terrier, were going to have a fucking blast anyway.

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I had been cooking this up in my head for so long that when my boyfriend woke up for work on a seemingly random Wednesday, he asked:
“Hey since you work from home do you want to come to the office with me and work from there? Keep me company?”
“Hahaha no, I’m busy today throwing my dog a birthday party.”
He gave me this “ok whatever you say, weirdo” sort of look and went on his merry way while I slept in. BLISS!!

My mom already got the hook up the night before. She showed up with cute little red snack containers with little red balloons and dried chicken doggo treats. Oh, and she even had the foresight to get labels so we can write his name on them!! Aww!!

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Somebody desperately wants to be a grandma?? Lol sorry, this uterus is closed for another like 10 years. Enjoy your furbaby, mam.

On Pinterest, I saw all of the adorable dog cakes that any human could conceive of making. I mean, I even saw THE CUTEST MEATLOAF CAKE EVER!! Shit Martha, you’re still an inspiration to us all.

While I knew that Oliver would prefer the meat cake, I said fuck it, this dog will have dessert for once in his little life!!

Let me tell you, do you know how hard it was for me to find dog cake recipes that were both human-grade (no kibble or treats mixed in) and had no peanut butter???

Why not peanut butter? Oh, not because my dog is allergic or anything… or even me. I just hate peanut butter and have a personal vendetta against it. 😷😱 Bye Felicia.

Ultimately I found the cutest cake from Chic Sprinkles that’s peanut butter free and even honest-to-god delicious sounding.

But……….. as you’ll see with my cakes….. they look and taste nothing like hers. It may have to do with the fact that I didn’t use almond flour so I used all-purpose flour and added a nut butter mixture to it…. and that I didn’t have strawberries so I added agave for sweetness……. or that I didn’t have coconut oil so I added in corn oil…… AND MY CAKE CAME OUT HARD LIKE A HOCKEY PUCK AND GLUEY OK THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY.

The point is, I made a cake for my dog in honor of his 8th birthday!!!!! Plus dogs literally eat anything and once I cut it up and put it in their bowls, the cake was a SMASH HIT!

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swiggity swag

I mean, the only way to truly celebrate your dog’s birthday is if you eat the cake with them or else, why even throw a party?? Why throw anybody or anything a party?? Parties are for eating cake with your loved ones, and Olli-Bolli is no exception.

So I’m going to post my recipe and I’ll say “don’t make my version!! Follow the original!!”… But you do you ok?? If you want to learn how to make an edible, plain, hard, sunken gluey cake that is both human and dog safe then, my friends, you have come to THE RIGHT PLACE.


Mini Nut Yogurt Dog Party Something Cakes

Serves: 2 dogs + your insatiable curiosity

Ingredients for cakes:

  • 1 3/4 cups ap flour
  • 2 tbsp agave syrup
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/4 cup nut butter (whatever your heart desires!!!)(I used Nuttzo, of course)
  • 2 – 3 tbsp oil (or more??)

Instructions for cake:

  1. Preheat your oven to 350F and grease up them ramekins because bitch we’re going on a ride.

  2. Basically take all of your cake ingredients and dump them in your stand mixer with a paddle attachment and let that shit work its magic. If you want to be really foofoo and do it “right” you can, I suppose… beat the eggs first with the syrup? And then add the… I don’t know, flour, followed by the oil and nut butter while you hold a little séance over its disgusting looking mushy soul.

  3. Now it’s time you taste your cake. Don’t be a baby, come on. I know your brain is telling you “This is dog food do not eat” but come on it’s kinda cool you’re gonna try a dog cake just do it live your life YOLO .

  4. Once sufficiently mixed enough, glop the batter into your ramekins; realize you didn’t grease up enough and prepare another.

  5. Pop them in your oven to bake for 35 minutes or even more. Baked them until they puffed up at the top. I was baking them for so long because I was praying for them to stop being tough and somehow magically turn into a dense pound cake instead of a rock hard nut butter block.

  6. When they’re done, take them out and let them cool right in the ramekins. Seriously these are not delicate cakes.

Ingredients for yogurt icing:

  • 1 cup plain yogurt {or tbh 2 small Yoplait vanilla flavor containers}
  • 2 tbsp agave

Instructions for Yogurt Icing:

  1. All you have to do is get a small bowl, dump everything in there and just stir it with a spoon and you’re done; congrats you’re a real baker now!!

Assembly:

  1. Remove the little cakes from the ramekins and start leveling their domes off. You’ll notice they’ll probably have weird pockets. Just sort of go with the flow ok? Your dog won’t care and will love you anyway.

  2. To create a cake stack: lay down your first layer either flat- or weird-pocket-side up. Pour some of your yogurt icing on it until it runs off the sides. Place another one on top of it, flat-side down. If you have a pocket on top, it’s okay because you can just fill the pocket with yogurt until it runs down the sides.

  3. Place them in the fridge until the yogurt has created a hardened skin. Maybe 15 to 30 minutes.

  4. Once they’ve hardened a little, just sort of shove candles down through the yogurt oasis, put them on a plate and let your dog at it!

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WELCOME TO THE DOG PARTY, BITCHES.

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The chicken treats happened to be a smash hit.

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After we sang him happy birthday, he just kept looking at us confused; probably wondering what the fuck those new little objects are. I had to help his little silly butt out since I genuinely believe he had no idea what they were. It’s ok, I gotchu.

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Baes. ❤

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Birthday boy himself. What a cutie patootie.

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The party is over when the dogs leave in single formation. Bye doggos!

Since I’m posting this a few months after the event, I can happily report that since my pup has been on his medication he’s lost a lot of weight! He’s doing so much better! Now it’s much easier for him to walk on his little stick legs.

Part of the reason for the party was because… I was afraid he was going to die. He looked so ragged and worn down. I was just… so afraid of him leaving us so young and so soon. It would be a shame if he passed without a little life celebration.
The happy ending here is having him snuggling his little butt next to my knees as I clackity clack this up on my bed.

To my little puppo. I love you!

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4 thoughts on “Ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog – Mini Nutty Dog Birthday Cake

  1. Aww, what cuties! I absolutely love this whole post. I always used to bake a birthday cake for my dog, but we never threw her a full-out party. Happy belated birthday to the lucky pup- And to you, too!

    • Awww!!! You’re too sweet!!! I think we’ve once got him like a doggy cookie once but that was really it with three birthdays!maybe next year I’ll just suck it up and bake up a meat cake. 😂 that’s what he really wants anyway!!

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