Millions of Peaches, Peaches (NOT) for free! — Mid-summer Peach Cobbler

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My father having a catering license, you’d think the man would be bringing home crates of food home. I mean, that would be a super cute way to start off this post right?

“My dad is so nice and he brought home a crate of the freshest peaches!” Maybe it would make me sound like those darling sweet bloggers with cute sunny kids and happy dogs.

WHELP THAT AIN’T MY LIFE. WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, PEOPLE.

Reason to us having too many peaches? My mom went to BJs (har har I love this store name, I’m 12!) and bought expensive white and yellow peaches just for the sake of munching on them. Also, I think they were on sale.

I was introduced to peach cobbler through the way of my godmother. Growing up, she always lived in deeper in the state than me. I grew up in a city, then moved to a suburb, but it’s literally the most boring place to live. There’s really nothing to do in my town, so left to my own devices, I wouldn’t have really experienced classic Americana like peach cobbler if it wasn’t for my godmother dragging me to teahouses. My memories are shaped by the delicate glass bowls the cobblers were served in. I would always sneak my spoon in and gobble it up.

My upbringing was very sheltered, okay? I gotta make up for lost time!

The cobblers from this one teahouse in particular always had a wet fluffy sort of crumb to it. They weren’t spiced, but they were moist and enticing.

Now, here I was looking at a basket of peaches, tasking myself to bake something I only have a vague memory of it.

HERE WE GO.

Research began. I hunted around for a recipe that captured that moistness but I need it to be spiced. Maybe my taste buds are dying or some shit, but I need everything to be ONNNNNNNNN for me to enjoy it. Everything I eat needs to be as dramatic as me. βœŒοΈπŸ‘Œ The recipe I ended up following / playing with is by The Gracious Wife. It was one of the few that had a cake made from scratch and was spiced. LOVE IT GIRL.

This peach cobbler had to be good, since I was baking it up along with my flan for the EURO CUP FINAL 2016 OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!!!!!!!!!

Portugal won. Can you tell? 😏😎

Just as a recap, this party was attended by like over 30 screaming Portuguese people all in jerseys drunk on Sagres beer. I wanted my desserts to be SLAMMIN’ because I figured when Portugal loses against France we can all pity eat my flan, mini blueberry cheesecakes and well, this.

Instead we WON and PARTY ATE EVERYTHING, which BTW is way more fun!!! Fuck party rockin’, this bitch wants to PARTY EAT BAY-BEEEEEEE!!!


Spiced Peach Cobbler

Serves: 30 screaming drunk Portuguese people. Should serve 30 of any group of drunks

Ingredients for peach filling:

  • ~6 medium peaches, peeled
  • 1 stick of butta {Don’t try to be healthy here!! Use the whole damn stick}
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • ~1/4 cup dark brown sugar {I like the molasses of darker sugar}
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg {GO WILD HERE}
  • ~1 tsp cinnamon
  • ~1 tsp ground ginger
  • 1 tsp lemon juice
  • 2 tsp flour

Instructions:

  1. First, preheat your oven to 425F. Then ask your mom really nicely to peel your fruit because peeling sucks. Plus you get to sort of fart around and get started on your mini blueberry cheesecakes while you wait!
  2. Peel and pit your nakey fruit. I’m no pitting expert, so all I can tell you is, I sliced them in half with a big knife, then I attacked them with a smaller wooden handle brush until I got so mad I just started slicing the pits out because fuck you stone fruit. Slice them up to show the pits dominance. Don’t let them smell your fear.
  3. Combine together your sugars (granulated & brown), nutmeg, cinnamon, ground ginger, lemon juice and flour. Stir it with your finger or something, you know nbd. Then sprinkle all of it over the peaches and massage ’em with your hands. It’s like massaging yourself, except wet, sticky and full of sugar, which happens to be a reoccurring dream of mine.
  4. Pour your melted butter all inside your 9″x13″ glass casserole dish, or in my house as it’s known, the garlic pork roasting dish.
  5. Spread out all of the peaches and toss it in your oven to bake for like 10 minutes in the high heat. You’ll know you did it right when you can smell the peaches in your house. They just straight up assault your senses and you’re in THE SUMMER TIME BABY. ENJOY THE SUN RIPED PEACHES!
  6. Remove them when done and let them cool.

Ingredients for peach filling:

  • 1/2 cup brown sugar {keep it dark!}
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 cup ap flour
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla

PLUS, for crunchy topping:

  • 3 tbsp granulated sugar
  • 1 tsbp cinnamon

Instructions:

  1. Lower your oven to 375F.
  2. Basically throw all of this in a bowl. Add the milk in last in batches as you mix. The mixture you’ve just birthed will look kind of lumpy and pukey brown. This is gooooooood. Embrace the grossness for it is truly deliciousness, doth say the bible of baking.
  3. Pour the mixture all over your adorable little golden peaches. It’s going to look sort of weird, but ya know, roll with it.
  4. Sprinkle all of the crunchy topping (if you haven’t just straight up scooped it in your mouth, tbh). It’ll look like it’s melting, but WHATEVER.
  5. Pop this whole sucker BACK in the oven and bake it for ~25 – 30 mins or until golden brown. You can even test it with a toothpick like a cake!
  6. Pull it out of the oven and harvest its scent. I kid you not, this is better than any bullshit yankee candle / homesick scent / white barn bullshit you’ll ever get.

Now let’s do something a little different today. I’m going to call this “A Study in Lighting in Affecting Photography” or SLAP, which I suppose could also describe what I should do to myself for posting shit so late.

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I like to call this one “warm body fluids w/ chunks”. Sometimes baking isn’t beautifully posed! REAL LIFE GUYS RIGHT HERE ALWAYS PROVIDED.
 

Subject one, “The Peach Cobbler” – Location: Kitchen, Time: Night, Lighting: Broken hood light & bare expose light bulb

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Keep in mind this after I’ve photoshopped this shit to death to make it look appealing.
 

Subject one, “The Peach Cobbler”, A Second Study. – Location: Kitchen, Time: Mid-afternoon, Lighting: Sunlight through windows

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Looks much better right? I mean it’s a little washed out, but now this is something you can eat and not gag!

Subject one, “The Peach Cobbler”, A Final Study. – Location: Outside, Time: Mid-afternoon, Lighting: Natural sunlight

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Over-saturated maybe, but HEY!! Golden brown and lumpy! Just like me in bikini!!

I have to admit, I was kind of surprised by how different the photos looked of the same damn thing. Sadly, since this is not my full-time job, I can’t plan my desserts around the circadian rhythm of the sun, nor do I have enough time to do the required sun-dance / incantations to create a perfectly cloudless day in the mostly gray and humid New Jersey. HOWEVER, I have learned something new, and that’s always fun, right? This was some straight up science Ph.D. “lemme-write-my-thesis-on-this” shit.

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Our table set up with the cobbler at the end. It just looked so cute, I couldn’t help but dance around it! Tablescape complete with Portuguese noodle pudding, (I know.) Portuguese beignets (pumpkin flavored), Portuguese custard cups + some flakey ring thing with nuts that I don’t know the name of?? Crepes were brought in by friends to snack on.

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Celebration lunch was paella made by a Spanish friend with her grandma’s recipe made in this HUGE fucking pot. This paella had seafood AND chicken, yassssss!

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And finally, what we all came here for: the peach cobbler with ice cream.

I mean, that’s why everybody came over my house, right? Not because Portugal was playing France in the Euro???? NAH.

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